July is my traditional time for an existential bike racing mind-fuck. If one’s had a bad season, Fitchburg finishes just in time to leave you mentally fried and ready to be done; if you’re having a good season, Fitchburg becomes a focal point, one that you can forget to look beyond. Combine all that with that big race in France, and OD’ing on all things two-wheeled seems to happen rather routinely.
This season’s annual fogging was further helped by the news of the ‘retirement’ of New England racing stalwart, Matt White. I don’t know White that well, my only real contact was the compu-trainer sessions I attended over the winter, instead he is one of those riders that will forever be associated having attained that dream that I’ve been going after ever since I (somewhat) figured out this whole bike racing thing. He wasn’t quite a pro, but amongst the amateur ranks he was near the top, regularly winning big races throughout New England and had been doing that for as long as I can remember. He had it – and then he stopped and walked away.
Now this isn’t meant to malign White’s decision, as I’m sure he has reasons, and I’m certainly not the one to question them. Instead its perspective. I and other racers surrender quite a bit of normalcy in life for a shot at a podium, a win, an upgrade, a chance to prove we are good – prove we are better. We get caught up in it and tend to chase after it blindly, leaving a littering of failed relationships and missed opportunities like a pack of racers discarding Gu wrappers. Hell, I’m about to tell a team of runners that I’m going to stop coaching them in order to train more, and I while I do feel bad, the fear of leaving a ‘what-if’ makes the decision an easy one.
So, this isn’t meant to ask why we do this to ourselves. We have our reasons, what-if or what not. This is just a friendly reminder (maybe just for myself) that as we descend back into or out of our Tour and racing-induced hazes to remember, that this whole bike racing thing is temporary. Even if you attain everything you want, eventually you’re not going to be in the saddle, and then everything you’ve gone after on two wheels will be left hanging with them on the wall with the bike you just hung up.
