I know, I know, It’s been a while. I have started a part time job herding alpacas through the mountains and Internet access there is preeetty inconsistent. Just kidding. Spring has sprung and that means Philly Bike Expo prep is in full swing and keeping me pretty busy! Although I do love alpacas and that could be an idea for when I am ready for a career change…
We are gearing up for year 3 of said Philly Bike Expo and, as always, it will be bigger and better than before. We have been running all over the place attending events to promote the awesomeness that is the expo. As busy as I am, though, I can’t neglect my readers and their questions so another installment of “Ask BB25” is in order.
Is it OK to have a Berthoud bag mounted on my front rack and a milk crate on the rear?
You can mix and match your bicycle accessories to fit your utility purposes, budget, and personality. We all know that a matching set of several Berthoud bags can get pricey and that a milk crate may perform better when carrying potentially messy items. A stained Berthoud loses some of its classiness. However, with all the uncoordinated pieces, you want to be aware of the mixed signals you may be sending. Sort of like the message a mullet sends; you know, business in the front, party in the back. Or a blazer with shorts. You get the picture. You don’t want to be the classy in the front, crapster in the rear cyclist. Before you know it, you will be attracting men (or women) wearing navy blazers with cargo shorts, sporting their best 80’s comeback mullets. So mix and match wisely, my friend.
I have a pretty significant spandex shorts tan. When I am not riding, do I have to wear shorts or skirts that are long enough to cover my cycling tan?
Dear Sunkissed Cyclist,
Well… you know what I am going to say first – Wear sunscreen! Lots of it, high SPF and reapply often. Because if you don’t, in a few years you will be asking me what I recommend for leathery, wrinkly legs and there is no easy fix for that… Ok, now that the lesson part is out of the way, some tan lines are unavoidable even with sunscreen if your skin is exposed for long lengths of time. I say, show off those half & half tanned muscular legs of yours. It lets everyone know that you are strong endurance athlete. It is a testament to your hard work and determination as a cyclist. So what if a helicopter tries to land on the pale portion of your leg.
The only exception to this rule is a formal event such as a wedding. I would wear a dress that is longer than your bottom half farmer’s tan or a self-tanner that will make you all the same color. At least for one night.
Is it OK to wear a jersey with your face printed on it if you are not Alexander Vinokourov?
Dear Vain Velo,
If you have also won 4 stages of Tour de France, beaten Cadel Evans in a time trial, and received a silver medal at the Summer Olympics (just to name a few), then go ahead! The whole thing is a little over the top and self-centered if you ask me. If we were making a football comparison, it would most likely be Terrell Owens or Chad Ochocinco wearing their face on their jersey. But if it is acceptable for anyone, it would be the cream of the crop, beasts of the cycling world – Tour de France racers. You also may want to consider if you have the kind of face that people would want to see twice. Rumor has it that Vino waxes his eyebrows, which leads us to believe that he is polished and pretty enough to be screen-printed for the world to see. Again. At the same time. Just a few inches below his chiseled cheekbones. Side note: Vino could be doing this to prove to the world that he is nothing like his countryman, Borat. And what better way to do that than to plaster his blonde, hairless face to his chest?
Until next time…and please, as ever, feel free to write in with your questions and quips. firstname.lastname@example.org