Immaculate pain: pulls at the soul, body contracting to tiny ball. Everything at the pit of the stomach. Everything pale white, can’t look. Can’t think. Everything pulling.. pulling.. pulling toward the center. Lungs won’t work. Can’t scream, no breath. Can’t cry, tears frozen. So miserable.
Shut eyes. Squeeze eyelids. Tighter, tighter.
Everything frozen; hands, feet, ears, nose.
Drops of water cling to skin, stuck between freeze and thaw. Shower was a bad idea, can’t stand on frozen feet, nearly fell. Stumble to bed, wet. Window open. WHAT THE FUCK?
Club hand, close window, retreat under covers. Imitate ball. Squeeze tighter. Pulling closer.
Core shaking. Shaking. Trying to warm.
Then burning. 10 fingers, 10 toes; all on fire. Still no scream. Now shivering, powerful twitches.
Lungs expand. Head under pillow. OH MY GOD THIS FUCKING HURTS.
Then warm. Breaths slow. Calm. Sleep. Dream of spring.
Andrew J. Bernstein is not nearly as pretentious as the persistent use of his middle initial might suggest, he simply wants to stand apart from all the other Andrew Bernsteins! Andrew is a Cat 2 road racer, currently riding for Champion System Racing, an elite-amateur team based in Hell's Kitchen. Originally from Brooklyn, Andrew now lives in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., where he is Sports Editor at The Saratogian, a daily newspaper. He also writes for Velo News, and keeps a blog on his writing and riding adventures at Good Bye Blue Mondays.
