Immaculate pain: pulls at the soul, body contracting to tiny ball. Everything at the pit of the stomach. Everything pale white, can’t look. Can’t think. Everything pulling.. pulling.. pulling toward the center. Lungs won’t work. Can’t scream, no breath. Can’t cry, tears frozen. So miserable.
Shut eyes. Squeeze eyelids. Tighter, tighter.
Everything frozen; hands, feet, ears, nose.
Drops of water cling to skin, stuck between freeze and thaw. Shower was a bad idea, can’t stand on frozen feet, nearly fell. Stumble to bed, wet. Window open. WHAT THE FUCK?
Club hand, close window, retreat under covers. Imitate ball. Squeeze tighter. Pulling closer.
Core shaking. Shaking. Trying to warm.
Then burning. 10 fingers, 10 toes; all on fire. Still no scream. Now shivering, powerful twitches.
Lungs expand. Head under pillow. OH MY GOD THIS FUCKING HURTS.
Then warm. Breaths slow. Calm. Sleep. Dream of spring.
